My Obedience

December 16th, 2018, Pastor Toun Fadugba asked a question that made me so uncomfortable. “If God asks you to do something humiliating, will you obey?” Then proceeded to say “It may be a blessing in disguise.” Now I know she didn’t say “Blessing” as if she was calling my name but I definitely felt singled out because since the beginning of 2018, God had been telling me to do one thing and there we were all the way in December and I took no steps in even attempting to do what he instructed for me to do that whole year.

Now, this may seem so absurd what I’m doing. It took me a long time to wrap my head around this.

God asking me to expose myself? To be COMPLETELY transparent. To random people? It couldn’t be so. Why would I give my people information about myself that I'm not happy with and that they possibly could use to beat me down? I couldn't believe it and didn't want to do it at all. I still really can’t believe it and I wonder if I’ll be able to share the real nitty-gritty things. One day while I was doing my daily Bible reading/interpretation, I landed on the story of Noah and the Ark (Genesis 7) and I was just reflecting on how Noah did what he was told by God without fear of what others would say. Meanwhile here I am making all the excuses in the book as to why this is not a good idea. But I prayed for the obedience and strength that Noah had and with some encouragement from two close friends; here I am. I have been pushing this off for so long, simply because I am ashamed of too many things that I’ve done and encountered in my life. I have convicted myself and so have some of my peers that knew of certain situations. Now imagine conviction from ALL of my peers. I was terrified of judgment from my peers and to be seen as a poser or hypocrite because I am so firm in trying to align myself with Christ and better my spiritual life, but I realized that I am human and I do sin but my sins do not disqualify me from being his servant. Romans 3:23-24 for ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is Jesus Christ.

I am saved by His grace. I am blinded by His grace in a way where I no longer see my past mistakes, I release them to God and work on moving forward. (A declearation)

There is no such thing as a perfect Christian. But when I stumble off the path, I make sure to get right back on and try to avoid the thing that caused me to fall. This is something I can no longer run from and push off till I feel I that I’ve conquered my problems and I am ready to share. The way this has been weighing on my heart, the people I see beating themselves down for going through very similar if not the exact situations that I’ve gone through and conquered? I just can’t allow it anymore. Although I’ve let my mistakes consume me, I am in a place where I am going to live on faith that I am who God says I am. That I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Despite my past and despite my mistakes. I know who my creator says I am and I won’t settle for what the world has called me. My intent is to also instill this in someone else.

We often feel that we are alone in our problems, that no one can relate or help, that we will be shamed or judged, that we have sinned to the point of no return. But I am here to say that this is not the case. This is to let you know that although I may give you the “perfect” answer and seem as if I have it all together, I do not. As I share and become vulnerable with you guys, I pray that the trials and tribulations I have encountered are able to touch hearts and initiate a change in lives. Someone once said, "Your testimony can be someone's salvation." I pray that this will not only positively impact others but also strengthen my spiritual journey with Christ. I am always open to receive advice from others and to advise as well from my experience.

Stay Blessed.